Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
About Hobbyist Artist Member MeaganFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
Needs Premium Membership
Statistics 298 Deviations 1,300 Comments 5,115 Pageviews

Newest Deviations


Journal History


Artist | Hobbyist
United States
I'm alive, I exist, what more is there to be said? My story doesn't matter, my background doesn't matter, who I am doesn't matter. Hopefully maybe my creations will matter to somebody but if not, oh well, they matter to me and that's all that really matters.

Haha (: did you enjoy my excessive use of the word matter? Kind of makes it sound like it's not a word anymore huh? Funny how things that are used start to seem like they don't matter !!
My heart is completely shattered to be sitting here and acknowledge the fact that we are fighting..... AGAIN.....

I know he appreciates me...
I know he loves me...
I know that if he didn't want to be with me then he wouldn't...

Relationships are supposed to come natural, but even the utmost natural relationship will also rely on work...regardless...
I feel like I'm the only one doing the work.....

He's never the one to ask me to do something with him, never the one to ask me to do anything other than bring him food or other such things... necessitates, like that of a house wife. 

He only says "I love you" first once in a blue moon; and doesn't say it back every time I say it. Which sometimes bothers me but I told him that it was okay, and not to worry about it because I KNOW I say it an excessive amount. But seriously there are certain times that he SHOULD say it back NO MATTER WHAT, for example after we are intimate...... I mean that's just a given. And why wouldn't he want to say it either during or after, sex is a very special act; it's supposed to be special, supposed to bring us closer together, supposed to be this incredible bond wouldn't saying I love you afterwards just be as natural as sex itself ? Maybe not for everyone; but if the pair of people is genuinely in love with each other, right? Or am I wrong and it's okay for him to not say those three words back after we've been intimate?

It's not okay that I'm always waiting around for him; he says I don't appreciate him or the things that he does but that isn't true whatsoever. I ALWAYS am the one to make food or bring him a drink or whatever, I'm always the one to take care of any necessity he has and he rarely even says thank you, and most of the time when he does it's because I've very loudly said "You're welcome!"
I always tell him that I love him, and ask how he is feeling, always giving him compliments... he rarely does the same towards me.
I'm always accommodating to him, usually even putting him before myself. I take care of his needs before my own whether that be financially or food, or laundry or whatever...

And we don't have conversations anymore, we used to, for hours upon hours. He says the reason why we don't now is because I dominate the conversation; which is only partially true. He never says ANYTHING when I pause, doesn't comment back on anything and doesn't tell his own story. And I'd rather have a conversation where I'm the only one who speaks than to have no conversation at all. What is a relationship without conversation? Communication?
Oh and that's another thing, whenever we fight his big solution is "Just let it go" He never wants to talk about or work out any of the problems, never tries to find legitimate solutions.

I just don't understand how someone can be so entirely great for me; who says they love me and one day would like to marry me can be so cruel to me and make me feel so down about myself.... I've never loved anybody so whole-heart-ed-ly and so strongly; I even feel like this may be the first time I'm actually in love...
But of course the last time I thought I was in love and thought somebody loved me ending up crashing and burning in my face; he cheated, I made mistakes of my own, so much fucking misery and drama once it ended.... we are finally back to feeling like normal friends without any awkwardness and it's been just over 2 years now !! 

I'm not ready to let Tyler go though; I love him for so many reasons, and all the reasons I shouldn't ...don't matter because my love is unconditional. And it's not like he's beating me up, he just makes me feel like i'm irrelevant and a little bit used... I don't know that that's any better but he also says that a lot of what I'm feeling is just in my head; which it very well may be... but it doesn't feel like it......

I just want to fucking be happy the way we used to !
  • Mood: Anguish

AdCast - Ads from the Community




Add a Comment:
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Student Artist

Just wanted to thank you for the fave!

Also, since I'm currently focusing on music, I was wondering if you'd be interested in supporting me in that endeavor of mine?

If you are, I can link you to where you can find that stuff!
twiggy248 Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist
You are certainly welcome !! I only favorite good work so great job !! (:

And sure! you can send me a link and I'll be sure check it out ! 
xxdraxx Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Student Artist


Let me know what you think :)
Ventus-umbra Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the fav :)
twiggy248 Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist
you are most welcome (:
Add a Comment: